I have been struggling lately with writing and writing for me. I have fallen into the trap that most people find themselves in when they are producing something that is for public viewing, IT HAS TO BE PERFECT! But why does it have to be perfect? Is it because we have been told over and over and over in the modern day of social media that when we are composing or producing something it must make everyone happy. I say screw that because when you listen to what hundreds and even thousands of people have been saying you are no longer being true to yourself.
I will be the first to admit that I stopped writing for myself about two years ago, when I start a Masters of Arts in Writing program. I stopped writing for myself once I entered the program because I became so obsessed with what others wanted me to write and what my professors and classmates where writing. I became so wrapped up in what others where writing that I started writing about topics and events that were of no interest to me and I wrote myself a one-way ticket to failure and insecurity. I allowed myself to lose sight of what was most important, what I wanted to write and valued. It took listening to a podcast a few days ago to realize how dumb and unhappy I have been and how I have allowed myself to be in a place where I don’t even want to pick up a pen or open my laptop because I have allowed myself to think I am a bad writer.
The podcast Kalyn's Coffee Talk (found on Spotify) made me realize that I was not trusting myself and my skills as a writer. Now I am no JK Rowling, but I am a writer that is passionate and expressive and one that landed a spot in a Master's program. I had to realize that yes, my professors and classmates may be published and writing about an array of topics that I am not but that does not mean that I am not good enough. Even if I never become published I am trusting myself enough to compose writing that I am proud of. I allowed myself for way too long to think I was not good enough because I listened to what everyone else was saying and watching what others were doing instead of staying true to myself and writing what I wanted to.